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Self-Control Tools For Your Child: 3 Easy Steps

Uncategorized Mar 09, 2020
NEVER in the history of calming down
has anyone ever calmed down
by being told to calm down.
We've all been there.  Emotions are high.  Logic is low.  Now what?  Don't worry. You've got this.  A big part of parenting with confidence (and proactively parenting) is to be prepared.  Your child is going to have hard days, meltdowns, overwhelming emotions, and times where there is a shortage on logic.  That's what kids do.  But we know this.  So we can prepare for it. 
Calming down tools are a favorite topic among child therapist.  Mostly because these tools work.  And they work pretty quickly.  An added bonus is you can customize your child's toolbox to things that work for your child.  When you add effective tools to your parenting toolkit, you are moving to a place of proactively parenting with confidence, rather than reacting with minimal resources.  These meltdowns...
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Getting Curious - Rather Than Defensive

Uncategorized Oct 08, 2019

When we know the "why" behind a behavior, we can respond better, smarter and more effectively to what's going on around us.   When we get defensive to a behavior or response we are not expecting, we shut down the learning.  Getting defensive is easy.  It's our natural fall back response.  Learning the "why" is much more difficult.  It requires we stop. Take a second. And get Curious. 

When we respond to a child's struggles with curiosity, we are learning.  Learning the "why" behind a behavior.  We are showing interest, teaching respect, and proactively parenting.   
The best part about this proactive strategy is that it's really easy.  Like really easy.  You just ask "why" and then you listen.  That's it.  After you learn the why, then you can better come up with a way to respond.
Let's practice.  Think of a time or setting when things are extra chaotic.  Dinnertime around...
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3 Ways To Make Your Child's Room Safe

Uncategorized Oct 08, 2019

I know this may sound obvious or you may instinctively think “Of course my child's room is safe” but let's break down why this is so important for laying the foundation of healthy character development and 3 ways you can make sure your child views their room as a safe place.

Before we talk about your child, think about your own safe space.  Where you can be yourself, take off your shoes, relax, and decompress.  For me, my house is my safe space.  I can shut the door to the outside world after a long day and know that I’m safe in my home.  I can control what comes in my home and what stays outside.  I know not everyone has this luxury and I am grateful to have the comforts that this provides.  Without this safety, I would feel anxious and without control.  We know the brain needs predictability to feel safe(1,).  Constant exposure to unpredictable threats leaves our body in a state of stress and defensiveness (2).
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Does Character Really Matter?

Uncategorized Oct 08, 2019

How your child rates on simple character measures in Kindergarten will predict if your child will graduate from high school on time, complete a college degree, and be employed in a stable and long term job as an adult.  We know these things from as early as Kindergarten.  Let’s take this a step further.  We also know that a child’s lack of positive character skills in Kindergarten can predict if that child will be involved with the police before adulthood, the number of arrests they will have, the likelihood of living in public housing, and their engagement in risky binge drinking behaviors. All of this from as early as Kindergarten.  It’s been studied over and over again on large sample sizes where they followed the same children for almost 20 years(1). And we know time and time again, that IQ scores, SAT scores, Achievement testing, and even letter grades, are not as accurate at predicting long-term success outcomes as character...

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